“Be yourself, relax, don’t worry about anything as there’s no point.”

We have our first gig as ‘Girl Afraid’ the greatest all girl Smiths tribute band!
*Possibly the only all girl Smiths tribute band.

Normally I would be quite excited at the prospect of playing at The Fawcett Inn to five underage girls twatted on lambrini and the two old perv's eyeing them up from the bar, but we have problems. Problems on top of problems as Penny says.

Our gig posters are a blurry mess, we have no transport for the drums and Penny has turned herself orange.

I called an emergency meeting on my break.
Penny arrived fifteen minutes late looking very much like shed been tangoed. Anna was not impressed.

“I can’t talk to her whilst she looks like that.” Anna hissed at me.

Anna and Penny haven’t been getting on lately. There was an argument a couple of weeks ago about Morrissey’s album Viva Hate. Penny isn’t a massive fan of Morrissey post Smiths. Anna on the other hand has created a kind of religion around Morrissey and took Penny’s criticism as heresy.

“We need to return the posters” I said trying not to stair directly at Penny.

However it turned out there wasn’t much we could do about the posters as our loyal groupies (Penny’s now ex boyfriend and Anna’s flatmates) have already posted them up. I guess we will just have to hope people will want to come see Girl A (large smudge mark) Tribute band.

“Well how are we going to get your drum kit down to the pub?” I asked Anna.

“Andy might be able to help.” She replied vaguely.
I wouldn’t trust Andy to help himself to a hot meal and a shower. But I didn’t say anything because the way Anna was staring at Penny made me feel I had a bigger problem on my hands.

“So Penny will you be ok for tomorrow?” I asked.

Penny looked blank for a moment.

“Ohh you mean the spray tan? Yeah it’s maybe a bit bright but it should mellow out soon.” She sipped her Red Bull and stared into space like she wasn’t orange and everyone wasn’t staring at her.

“Why did you get a spray tan!?” Anna asked.

“I split up with Rob” Penny sighed.

“So why didn’t you get drunk or dye your hair like a normal person” I replied.

Penny Shrugged. Anna folded her arms and did her tortured look into the middle distance thing “I’m not playing with her looking like that.”

"As Morrissey would say, Be yourself, relax, don’t worry about anything as there’s no point.” Penny replied curtly.

“Also everyone knows people never look at bassists anyway.” I added.

So problems solved...
If you want to see Girl A(smudge mark) tribute band featuring an air drummer and an orange bassist join us at The Fawcett Inn Friday night at 9.