Sunday, 2 May 2010

The ‘sick day’

The band decided we needed a day off work and seeing as I have to work next Saturday (to make up for having the bank holiday off!) I had to agree with them. So I grabbed my bag and texted my boss something dubious about having an asthma attack and getting stuck in a lift. The boss texted me asking how I had signal if I was stuck in a lift. This was a good point, so I didn't reply.

Penny and Anna met me outside tesco express. They were wearing big vintage sun glasses and laughing their asses off. Obviously the Morrissey argument had been forgotten.

'So what we up to chaps?' i asked eagerly.

A 'sick day' needs planning, a lot of planning to be successful, you cannot wast a sick day being actually sick. So I knew Penny and Anna had been thinking about what to do for a while.

I was wrong.

Penny and Anna looked at each other blankly.

'Um cinema?' Anna asked eventually.

We were spoilt for choice with a couple of crap movies in 3D and some superhero ones. Until we found the art cinema outside Chichester was playing a Gerard Depardieu movie. And as we all know Gerard Depardieu invented french cinema, the cigarette and the love making.

I watched for the bus as Anna and Penny went to get popcorn. They returned with a bottle of Asti, pitta bread and a selection of mini cheeses.

'There wasn't any popcorn and this was reduced' Anna said as way of explanation.

'We have to have something to toast the Depardieu! Penny added wiggling the bottle in the air.

I laughed and went back for plastic cups.
But we didn't make the show as our bus driver decided to slow down and talk to his friend walking a dog for half a mile. They obviously had a lot of catching up to do and being British none of us dared to complain. So sitting at the back of a double decker bus that smelled vaguely of pee and backy we started to wonder if we should have just gone to work when a women wearing a homemade turtle neck gets on the bus.
She sits next to a young guy reading a book even though there are loads of seats free.
'I need to tell you about something important or this isn't going to work.' She states loudly.
The guy is obviously freaked out by the fact a large older women who is clearly a bit mental has her arm round him. He nuzzles into his book pretending this makes him invisible.

'Now look at me young man i need to see that you understand. I want us to have honesty in this relationship, so I wont lie I'm a little older than you'.

At this Anna cracks up. Penny pops the Asti and pours me a plastic cup full of it.
The girls at the front talk loudly about their sex life, whilst the old women at the back of the bus pretend to be scandalized and everyone ignores the pregnant teenager swearing about her ex boyfriend on the phone.

"Yeh speak to you later nan." The pregnant teen finishes.

Transfixed we sip Asti from plastic cups and munch on blue cheese filled pitta breads. Looks like we caught the show after all.

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